i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
