my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
