Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
