nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
