in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
