Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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