Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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