plz talk dirty to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
