oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
