ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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