I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
