Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
