I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
