Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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