I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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