Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
