I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i've created a new STD.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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