And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i came on her dog
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
