think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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