I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
