So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
