now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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