I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
