How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
