Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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