um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
