apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
