I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
