I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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