sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
