dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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