That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she smelled like a LAN party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
