he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
