I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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