Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
