she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
