it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
