we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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