We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
