if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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