The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
