I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
