Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
