JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
