Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
