And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
