Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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