Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
