I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
