thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
