I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
