He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
