We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
