White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
